dates gone awry
so let's go ahead and spill our guts. I've had some fairly miserable date experiences in my day. I planned on going down the list of them as an overview - then I thought it would be more fun to explain the stories. so we'll start with the cake topper so if I loose steam on this topic it will at least have been somewhat worth it.
There I was a young girl at the age of nineteen. Working in a cigar shop and living beyond my years.
A group of three guys came into the store one day. I don't recall their faces or names, save one, but I do recall thinking there was one that was not bad looking and they were collectively entertaining.
A day or two later the store phone rings, it's for me.
The low voice of Austin Chote came over the line, "I was in the store a few days ago, you may not remember me. I was with my goofy friends. anyways, I would like to know if you'd have dinner with me."
I agree, putting all my chips on the fact that it was the good looking one.
The day of the date comes. He is scheduled to come pick me up from work to go eat and to a movie. I start to become more aware of the fact that I can't remember exactly what he looks like and am hoping that this lapse of memory doesn't cause catastrophe.
I go to leave and meet him in the parking lot.
Instead of a white steed - it's a white truck.
Instead of a knight in shining armor - It's a tall man with an obscenely shiney face and oversized shiny bling necklace. The necklace is in clear view because his shirt is unbuttoned a few too many revealing his chest hair as well.
So he opens the door for me and then goes around the back of the truck to his side. I quickly get all of me gross out faces out of the way with a few gag noises.
He gets in and we're off.
Turns out he's 29. a mere decade older then myself. he sold insurance. and acted like he was guilty of something when he found out I was only 19.
We met his married couple friends at TX Land and Cattle. Apparantly these are the ones he spend all his time with ... playing video games...
So I sure did order steak.
Anyways. The dinner was painful and absolute misery.
We finally make it through and he asks if I want to go to a movie. I said, "no".
So he asks if he can call again
"no"
Whew.
That may have been the single most awkward night in my life. but it only supported my theory that my life is a rediculous comedy. If someone had hidden cameras with me all the time - we could make a mint.
There are definitely more stories of equal caliber... but none of which will be presently disclosed.
There I was a young girl at the age of nineteen. Working in a cigar shop and living beyond my years.
A group of three guys came into the store one day. I don't recall their faces or names, save one, but I do recall thinking there was one that was not bad looking and they were collectively entertaining.
A day or two later the store phone rings, it's for me.
The low voice of Austin Chote came over the line, "I was in the store a few days ago, you may not remember me. I was with my goofy friends. anyways, I would like to know if you'd have dinner with me."
I agree, putting all my chips on the fact that it was the good looking one.
The day of the date comes. He is scheduled to come pick me up from work to go eat and to a movie. I start to become more aware of the fact that I can't remember exactly what he looks like and am hoping that this lapse of memory doesn't cause catastrophe.
I go to leave and meet him in the parking lot.
Instead of a white steed - it's a white truck.
Instead of a knight in shining armor - It's a tall man with an obscenely shiney face and oversized shiny bling necklace. The necklace is in clear view because his shirt is unbuttoned a few too many revealing his chest hair as well.
So he opens the door for me and then goes around the back of the truck to his side. I quickly get all of me gross out faces out of the way with a few gag noises.
He gets in and we're off.
Turns out he's 29. a mere decade older then myself. he sold insurance. and acted like he was guilty of something when he found out I was only 19.
We met his married couple friends at TX Land and Cattle. Apparantly these are the ones he spend all his time with ... playing video games...
So I sure did order steak.
Anyways. The dinner was painful and absolute misery.
We finally make it through and he asks if I want to go to a movie. I said, "no".
So he asks if he can call again
"no"
Whew.
That may have been the single most awkward night in my life. but it only supported my theory that my life is a rediculous comedy. If someone had hidden cameras with me all the time - we could make a mint.
There are definitely more stories of equal caliber... but none of which will be presently disclosed.
posted by emily harrison at 12:27 PM
4 Comments:
well, at least you got a steak at TX land and cattle. I've only had opportunities to watch people eat the steaks there. is that weird?
depends... were you wearing gold chains with a partially unbuttoned shirt and a shiny face?
no?
then no, your fine.
Why in heavens name would you not have had a steak from TXLC by now?
That's your assignment.
eww eww eww, gross gross gross. My stomach buckled with pain just reading your story! I absolutely hate awkward dates! (and all but one i've been on in my life have been that but never as bad as yours!!) there's nothing worse in this life than an awkward date. with gold chains. and the date being an old man.
gross
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