bath and body asylum

before my first foot was even over the threshold...
"hiya welcome in today! are you doing alright?!" imagine a thick bobby's world mom's minesota accent...
'just fine' i manage to make my way past her when she turns to another victim
"ope, i didn't snag you in time," she says following me "you've just gotta try this"
i turn around to see if she is talking to me and before i can complete the revolution she has squirted a massive amount of some bubbling foam stuff on my entire forearm.
"it's body mousse!"
'oh my'
"it's like pop rocks for your skin!"
big cheesey grin
"go ahead, rub it in!" giggle like an excited little girl "isn't the best!"

i start to rub on it (hoping to rub it off rather than in) and when i look down i stare aghast at the bulk amount of glitter all over my self. what has she just done to me?
it this a new form of slipping people a sleeping drug so she can drag them back to her lair and give them whatever she has taken that makes her so ... so..... um.... happy?

'neat. thanks'
"oh yeah, i just love it i play in this stuff all day. i end up making my own scents because i can't stop trying everything..."

there's another patron in the store by this time and she is being equally accosted. when i saw a break i made a b-line for the sink and tried to control my facial expressions as i scrubbed of all that freaky-cric de soliel-11 year old birthday party favor-glitter. why?!?!? don't you know people are ontheir lunch break from work and don't want to be leaving a pixie dust trail of sparkle all over their office, computer, water cooler, car, desk chair, door handles, elevators, lobby, phone, key board........
have a heart lady.

anyways. everytime she would come over and force another sample of some product onto me and the other girl in there, the other girl would mutter something under her breath when the lady walked off. one time i caught 'that's actually quite disgusting'

i was cracking up.
this lady was WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYyyyyyyyy to happy to be peddling obnoxiously smelling lotions and sprays to unsuspecting customers...
way way over the top.
tone it down a notch sister.

anyways, after about ten minutes of enduring this voice and crazyness the other girl and i were both about ready to get the hell out of there. she beat me to the register. the lady then tried to push more last minute products on to the poor woman.
"do you want the new tote? it just came in!"
'no no thank you. this is all i need.'
"oh i know what you mean, i have more bags than i know what to do with, everytime a new one comes out i have to buy one for me and one for my daughter. you know what else i do? i put my bady spray in the refrigerator so that it's really cold when i want to refresh myself on a hot summer day. do you want a bottle of our new scent?"
she gestures to the outrageously priced over-scented travel size bottles of lotion by the register
'no thank you'
"okay! great! what's your phone number? email address?"
'i'd rather not give you those'
"great have a wonderful day! bubye now!"

by this time i was developing a headache. i don't know if it was from her high pitched vocals or the confusion of odors my nostril were trying to stave off... but all i knew was if i didn't escape soon i mught just die there.

I manage to make a clean break at the pressure spot. no additional purchase no exchange of personal information...
just pay and leave
pay and leave


however, while i was at the register she was trying to do about five other things, like talk on the phone, take messages, blurt out scripted sales attacks...
she was so rude to the girl she was working with.
RUDE
it was weird to see her spilt personalities so prominantly displayed. and sort of sick.

i felt so bad for the girl who was just trying to stock the shelves, do her job and not cause any trouble. this lady was bossing her around and practically shouting about all the new lines of this and that.
to her, scented goop is life. the rest is just details.



i love people who love what they do. but i don't love people who've sold their soul to some product or company at the expense of their sanity and ability to be a real human being.